looking back, looking forward

2014 held so many beginnings
2014 held so many ends
2014 held exciting hellos
2014 held heartbreaking goodbyes
2014 held change.

going from one season of life to another is never easy, transitioning is never easy, even if it is to something wonderful. i vividly remember New Year’s day last year being so overwhelmed with the anticipation of all that would come, tears were the result, but not all sad scared tears, happy tears for what i knew would be good, relieved tears that i was resting in something so good, and somewhere mixed in were tears of fear that things would not continue to be good. fear that life wouldn’t continue on the sweet road i had recently embarked on, fear that i would lose people i loved in the chaos of going from here to there, fear that letting my guard down would result in be being hurt. and although some of those cries were well placed, I can honestly say, 2014 was the best year of my life thus far.

in the time from then to now i watched parts of my heart jump to life that i forgot still existed, and in those places of new life, watched the most incredible things happen with some truly great people. life came from life.

in the time from then to now i experienced healing, healing in places that i didn’t even know were broken, from ashes came beauty.

in the time from then to now i was given the most amazing friends to walk through life with. these ladies are the type of people who are captivating, talented, strong and so full of grace. you bring light, and you are radiant.

in the time from then to now i embraced all that i am not, and realized all the He is. weakness is human, and in my daily striving i came face to face to how human i am, in my failure i finally for the first time realized fully that He is more, He is sufficient and He is so very able, and that is what I have learned to rest in fully rather than my own vain strength.

in the time from then to now i have realized in fullness the meaning of Selah. to be still, to realize that He is God and i am not. to know that He is fighting for me and on my behalf and even when i can not see it, can not fathom that it can ever get better, it does and it always will because He is always good. i have learned how to truly be still and wait.

in the time from then to now i have let go, with open hands and an open heart i have found so much peace and despite all, joy. i have learned to stop fighting for control and instead, given it away.

in the time from then to now, i have learned to love fully, not when it is convenient or easy, or called for, but when it hurts and the right thing to do seems to be to lash out and to throw fiery arrows and to treat someone like you’ve been treated. in those places, i have been shown how to love.

in the time from then to now i have learned to be the me i’ve been created to be.

and i can’t wait to see what the time from now to then will hold, and i have no idea what to expect from life, but i do know what is expected from me.