the amazing thing about humans is that we can see the ladder which we climb out of the pit with, the bridge on which we cross impassable canyons, and the boat on which we sail oceans, and think to ourselves - by my strength alone.

the amazing thing about Jesus is that He is the ladder, He is the bridge, He is the boat, and although we like to think “by my strength alone” when I look back to the strength I thought made me invincible I am proved beautifully weak because no matter how high I climbed, in every pit I needed a ladder. because no matter how far I jumped at every canyon I needed a bridge, and because no matter how hard I swam, at every ocean needed a boat. in these moments I needed something more than myself. in these moments, and every moment - I needed a Savior.

“but by the grace of God I am what I am, and His grace to me was not without effect. No, I worked harder than all...

heartbreak is inevitable. in such a fragile life where we are always changing our tides shift and we are left in the wake of a new beginning, often times disguised as an end. it is important to have your heart broken because it means that you loved something well enough for it’s absence to matter. it is important to have your heart broken because it teaches us how to let go of things that we can’t imagine going on without yet do. it is important to have your heart broken because in the breaking we become more beautiful still. things end because they are bad and things end because they are good, but in every case things end because it is not the thing that is meant for you. heartbreak is inevitable but it is temporary because for every time you break there is also a brilliant possibility to begin again.

there are moments in life where you feel utterly torn, however the most interesting moments are those where bold contrast exists. living in the middle of two realities, between the calm and the chaos, between happiness and sadness, between holding on and letting go. these are the most exciting places you’ll ever know. between heartbreak and falling in love, between stop and go, between running away and reconciling. in those places where two realities clash, asking you to go one way or another - there is a time to rest in the overlap and there is a time to fight to reach middle ground where compromise is found and life begins. understand well how to be in between, but never stay there. staying there brings turmoil. we are not made to live without definite decision, but pausing there to admire the ironic beauty of the overlapping moments that blend into a brilliant possibility is the most...

learn to love yourself,
not to just accept yourself - but to wildly, fully, wholly and passionately love yourself for everything. everything you’re not, everything you’ve always wished to be, everything you’ve been, everything you’re becoming, everything you hold and everything you are right now.

learn to fight fair with yourself,
not to attack yourself - but to reason, resolve and reconcile.
to discern what are angry lies and what are uncomfortable truths. to not ignore the parts of yourself that need confrontation, but to overcome them by simply acknowledging them.

learn to stop enjoying emptiness,
not to become addicted to sadness, but to fiercely pursue wholeness. identify the holes in your life and how you have been filling them with somewhere, someday or somebody. take responsibility for your past and your present. recognize your role in the wrongdoings as well and move...

I played you a song today in the car while you were driving from here to there, while you were telling Me all the things you regret, all the things you hate, all the things that are wrong. it breaks My heart when you talk like this. you’re too precious to Me to feel so much hurt, so I tried to tell you in love, “your mess is Mine.” isn’t it crazy how an ordinary man and an ordinary song can become so extraordinary in a divine context? you understood when I spoke to your heart in this way. i could tell in the way you started to let peace in a little and cry a little - a broken beautiful. you’ve seen so much, been so many places, felt too much, hurt too much and been running for so long now. you have to be tired My love, so put down the mess. put down the past, put down the fear, put down the ghosts and give them to Me. it is safe here with Me. I am like nothing you’ve ever known and I’m...

I want to be known, I want to get the credit, I want to be in control and that is a dangerous place to be.

I am in no way equipped or able to accomplish my purpose here by myself, I am in no way able to take credit for the Love I have been shown and therefore get to give. I am not the mapmaker of my life, I am just the wanderer. I am not the Author, only a blessed character in the most beautiful story ever told.

I want to be unknown, I don’t want to get the credit, I want to lay down my plans in exchange for greater ones, I want to live like this life is not my own and that is a wildly wonderful place to be.

there you are, on the edge. no way up, no way down, you’re stuck without Me. there you are asking for a way down, you’re so afraid. you don’t need to fear anything, you will not fall, but the edge is certainly no place to stay. just ask Me to help you, I need you to ask Me now. there is no other option My love, there is no escape route, only this terrifically wild way. take a step off of the edge beloved, into the unknown, into faith. I promise I won’t let you fall…

in any given moment infinite miracles happen, visible and invisible, the beating of a new heart and the unseen answer to a silent prayer. on any given day we are existing in an improbable possibility, everything we are, everything we intersect and interact with is just the same - fantastically impossible. there are answers to why I am, why the ocean is vast, mysterious and violently beautiful, why the sky gracefully opens up every morning and passionately burns out each night, why fish can explore the depths and birds the heights, why blooms are intricately unique and vibrant, why rivers gently twist their way through solid ground, welcomed and understood, why clouds wisp into peculiar patterns that make us dream and why stars twinkle brightly in darkness giving us hope. there are many answers to all of these infinite miracles, some scientific, some logical, some philosophical, but I...

here I am, twenty years old sitting in my apartment far from where I’m from and far from where I’m going, my temporary home. here I am wondering who I am and trying to formulate how to become who I want to be, I feel stuck somewhere in between the two. here I am with a swirling mind and unsettled heart, then I stumble across a bit of my middle school journal. a quiet reminder that some things change and some do not, a reassurance that all things are beautiful in their time. thank you to everyone who is part of this story, thank you to everyone who has let me be a part of theirs.
love always, xo.

Who You Were // November 15th, 2010

the saddest part of today was remembering who you were.

How golden you were. How dull you are now. You’re just like the next one. In a sea of crimson you were the sparkle, the rainbow, the neon, the bang.

The saddest part of today was remembering who you...